Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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