can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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