I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
