I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
