please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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