I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
