Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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