just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
