Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
