Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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