the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
