Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
