i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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