Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
