The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
