All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
