the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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