I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Found your dick twin last night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
