How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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