Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
