So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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