Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
