I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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