at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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