you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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