How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
