Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
