Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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