I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
