I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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