And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
