Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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