He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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