It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
