I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
