Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
