Why are handjobs necessary in class?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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