1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Can Purell be used as lube?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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