It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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