I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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