I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
