Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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