We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize