My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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