i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
