Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
