Small penises have feelings too.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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