it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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