The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
