I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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