My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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