So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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