Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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