he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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