I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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