Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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