so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize