i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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