So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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