the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
