would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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